Upgraded Pain

"To the Pain i faced and the

 Strength i lacked to share it " 

- Mitney Mitch

💌💌💌

Dear Reader 

May 30th- I have had it, almost seven years later..

It is all to familiar, it seems sometimes happiness is further than i dream 

What is happiness anyway, is happiness the feeling you feel above the turmoil of saddened feelings and situations. Why can i not seem to get it right? LOVE. Do i know what it feels like to be loved?, better yet what it means to be loved?, Jesus has set a great example and impossible to top or even reach without him, what does Paul speak of when he says he'd rather one remain unmarried. It takes hard work to work at it, but like a relationship with G-d, you can't expect him to do all the work. You have to do your bit. 

Tears drop down my cheeks as i can see my own hurt tearing me apart, digging my own grave, as if that is not deep enough, digging it twelve feet down, so I'm closer to the heart of the earth, at least there there is warmth right from the heart, for the longest time i pretended i was strong enough, i pretended to have all together, i lay down my self for worthlessness.

 LOVE,  i am tired of this stained image of love displayed to me by broken individuals who do not know how to love themselves. You see behind the smile is aching needles, sharp razor cuts and spirit vinegar is continuously poured over this shattered heart, the pain runs deep, is this how much LOVE costs?

Only my closed doors and pillows know the anguish i speak of. I am drowning. I am sinking. How did i get here?, lonely confused. Suicidal and dangerous, i want to to all end but the pain of not having tomorrow cripples me. Strangely it is as though i stand outside of myself looking and questioning why can't i move?

LOVE, i run from you and yet i need you. Friends are tired of my issues, it is getting old, any old scar that is constantly torn again will hurt as much as it did at originally. 

The pain never stops, it upgrades. 

I am fatigued

I am faint

Still LOVE..💖

If you are out there?

Come for me..

For i fear i may never come back. 

Mitney Mitch